Saturday, May 02, 2009

Phases of the Moon

Last night I did some things, it was stupid, but still...

They all thought I was dead. "Golda" seems to be a term for suicide now.
I don't think they actually know me. I could never leave this world, there's no exit for me. I'm very materialistic, and I just can't leave all that stuff behind, or having not owned some other things, at all.

Anyway, every night, the Internet is pulled out around 12mn or 1am. I don't exactly know why, but because of that, my sanity dissappears when I have nothing to do, to top it off, I can't sleep till around 5-7 am. with no one to talk to, be with, play with, I'm left all alone thinking about stuff; to the extent that I'm over thinking things.

There's definitely something wrong with me. It's like pure emotions just pour out and do what they do, I forget the most part of what theyre doing. Most of the time, it's my anger/rage that runs amock. just like last night.

Apparently this "disorder" happens only at night; where I have no one with me. Think The Sims, Where your sims has high, or good status on everything except that empty social bar. My "broken Badmnton Racket" is deformed now. I could have repaired it. I just needed string, but now it's definitely out of shape.

Sometimes, I go out for a walk, around Metro Manila. The furthest I got was Khan's place. I could walk to other places, But it seems that I don't tread on unfamiliar land, or places where I don't have friends in. I coud try walking to SM North or UP, but I have no reason to be there. I think I've set up a goal to walk around atleast Metro Manila in one day. I think it's doable, with the right equipment and nutrition.

Walking seems to calm me down, I see people around me, even if I don't interact with them. But I don't walk every night, My feet get tired and feel hurt, so I don't walk the city every night. That, and I don't have that much money to be strolling around far places; I'd need two bottles/cans of drinks, and some food.

12:52 AM
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