It was just like any other night, I was awake till around 3-4 AM. Minding my own business, hoping to fall asleep soon, a friend IM'd me. It was strange though. he sounded depressed, like always, but this seemed different. a few minutes later, a different message appeared. there I started to think- It got me worried, although a part of me believes I'm over analyzing things. I felt bad, like something horrible is about to happen. I couldn't sleep, not at all, so I decided to go out, have a little breather.
I took my jacket, my glasses, some money, and my phone. I went out and locked the gate behind me. It's 4:30 am, I've estimated I'd be back by 7.
As I stepped out, I thought of the countless possibilities, different scenarios, and various situations. It made me think deeper... I thought to myself he may be out to kill him self. That's what I was afraid of. I talked to myself as I walked, tried to keep things cool, tried to calm myself down. Then I realized...
I thought Golda's death never affected me, not one bit. but now... thinking about my friend taking his life had me really worried. It was possible, but I definitely hoped that wasn't the case. Once I had this friend, his family text'd us if we saw him, I got worried that time too... but not as strong as this. Indeed, Golda's death took it's toll on me. I'm a lot more paranoid now. Turns out that my other friend was just laying around their other house, and no one noticed.
I walked on thinking how the moon was so bright and round. Around his time I'm at banawe-retiro, I went left from there, thought I'd change my path once in a while.
A thought hit me- How dangerous is our neighborhood? turns out it wasn't. I thought to myself how early in the morning it was, that even that night owl would be asleep by then, and the only ones awake are those who cannot sleep and those who just woke up. there were not a lot of people. I was at araneta that time- I decided to walk along the highway...
I've walked by a bunch of people, all probably just woke up, getting ready for work, some out for that every morning exercise. I passed by a lot of buildings, and even thought of going to Macci's place, which I didn't. The moon went down, and the sun came up. this walk had me think of a whole lot of things, like how these homless people thrive.
On my way, there was this cat, no, I'm sorry, the term was roadkill. it has it's body mangled, organs splattered. I'd thought this was the nasty, a car came by, and I looked back at the cat... that sight was even nastier- seing what's left of the bodies, bobbing, from the impact and gravity- I wished this was not the fate of my friend.
It's 5:50 am, I find myself in front of SM Sta. Mesa... It's been a long walk and my mind has calmed down. My feet were tired, and it was time to go home. I would have gone further, but to the left, right or even straight ahead is quite unknown to me, all I wknow is back to where I came from.
As I returned, backtracking my steps, I tried to recapped everything I've done this morning. There was a silly thing in my head too. Such sheer irony I'm doing. That walk took more than two hours, all just by walking- it felt like some sort of pilgrimage. The funny thing was, when I got back to araneta-queson ave. there were a bunch of people walking the streets too, I'd say they're on a pilgrimage too. They're walking with strange T-shirts, which I assumed were their uniform, they're all bare foot and going west, same way I was going. I left them when I was at banawe, I had to go home, and I guessed they were going to Quiapo Church.
As I walked banawe to my home I tried to think of everything I said to myself.
there was one point where my mind finally came to peace:
"there were so many earthly thing that keeps me here" I hoped it was the same for him.
now that I'm back in my room, I hope I can rest easy now... I haven't slept, and when I wake up everything is back to normal.
7:14 AM Did You LISTEN Carefully?
12th of May
UST:Fine Arts Major in Advertising